Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
