they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
