She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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