I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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