I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
