I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
