Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
