I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
