I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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