based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
