After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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