The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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