Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Is it because I queefed?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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