I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
