sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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