I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize