My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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