there was a trapeze. enough said
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
well, you know. whores of a feather.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
