Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize