you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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