We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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