So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
