Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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