you would pick up someone in the library
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
