So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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