I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
