Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
that is very illegal...i love you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
