my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
