a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
