You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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