Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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