Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
