and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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