I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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