I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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