I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
