Don't you send me to vm
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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