her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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