We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
