Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
