dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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