Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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