babies were throwing up all over the place
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
