"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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