airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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