She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
