Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
