btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
