Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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