First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize