help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
