I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
