There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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