genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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