All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
