She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
