I wanna bring you to show and tell
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
