I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
