wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
