Do you still have your period?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
